Natural and Logical Consequences
The Goal of using consequences is to help our children learn self-discipline by allowing them to make choices and to be responsible for the results of those choices.
How consequences are different from punishment:
- Consequences are clearly related to the misbehavior and are applied in a respecful manner.
- Consequences express a logical social order that de-emphasizes power and hierarchy.
- Consequences do not express moral judgment.
- Whenever possible, they are discussed and agreed upon before misbehavior occurs.
- Consequences are presented by a firm and kind parent.
- Consequences allow the child to “run into” life instead of “running into” parents’ power.
How to arrange for consequences:
- Allow natural consequences to occur if possible.
- Then consider logical consequences that are related to the misbehavior.
- Ask, “How can I arrange for my child to experience the social consequences of his behavior without forcing, fighting, coercing, or punishing?”
- If possible, establish an agreement prior to the misbehavior. Ask yourself, “How can we reach an agreement that emphasizes cooperation?”
- Make sure the consequences are age appropriate.
- Only agree to consequences you are are willing and able to uphold.
- Immediate consequences are most effective.
- Consequence should be relatively short in duration.
- After the misbehavior, follow through and allow the consequence to happen. When following through with a consequence, take this approach:
- Be firm and kind.
- Talk less. Act more.
- Be a broken record and refuse to fight.
- Tell children they can try again later.
- The time the child must wait before trying again should often be relatively short.
- If misbehavior continues, you may have to change the consequence, rework the agreement, or put the problem in the child’s lap.
Chronic Misbehaviors: Make sure you are not fighting or showing anger. Discuss a chronic misbehavior at a calm moment, well before the next possible encounter. Always include your child in problem solving and establishing agreements and consequences. Take time for training. Be prepared to sacrifice the day’s or week’s agenda as an investment toward future cooperation (miss part of church, forgo grocery shopping, etc.)
© 2007 Based on work of Rudolf Dreikurs
Examples of Specific Consequences:
Misbehavior Possible Consequence
| Child is demanding attention | Adult ignores |
| -interrupts adult on the phone | -adult only responds to child after phone call |
| -making annoying noise | -adult pretends to not hear or separates self from child |
| Child is acting otherwise inappropriately | Adult’s Response |
| -throwing tantrum at grocery store | -adult & child leave store |
| -siblings playing too loudly in house | -children try quiet play inside or go outside |
| -repeatedly leaves dinner table & coming back | -adult takes plate & assumes he’s done |
| -refuses to eat what is served for dinner | -child eats or goes w/out food until snack or next meal |
| -disruptive at dinner table | -returns to dinner after she calms self in her room or is excused from dinner altogether |
| Child is using something inappropriately. | Adult’s Response |
| -riding bike to friend’s house w/out helmet | -walk to friend’s house or get ride |
| -playing rough with pet | -let Fido get mad or remove Fido |
| -loses own toy | -child plays with other toys |
| -breaks someone else’s toy | -child saves allowance to replace toy |
| Child dawdles or is disruptively slow. | Adult’s Response |
| -keeps getting up late in morning | -misses breakfast to make time for dressing |
| -won’t get dressed in morning | -parent takes child and clothes in car |
| -keeps missing school bus | -child walks or arrives at school with unexcused tardy |
| -doesn’t come home for dinner when called | -child misses dinner |
| -doesn’t pick up toys | -child retrieves toy from lost and found |
| -forgets lunch for school | -child misses lunch |
| Child breaks an agreement | Adult’s Response |
| -makes mess eating snacks in TV room | -child cleans up before TV room used |
| -doesn’t do chore when promised | -parent can’t cook until dishes are done |
| -child can’t play in a cluttered living room |
Notes regarding child’s developmental stage: It is important to allow for logical consequences that are related to the misbehavior and are appropriate given the child’s age. The following examples are targeted for use with elementary school children. Toddlers are generally too young to remember a scheduled agreement, and pre-schoolers may need reminding. Young children do need a home environment that is “childproofed” with sensible safety precautions.